Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Untitled

My First Reading on the Untitled Poem of  Em Mendez


Mendez's poetry is a promise of a very beautiful love story and a possibility of a fulfillment of a sexual fantasy.

But in order for the poet to fully capture the hearts of his readers through a magnificent love and sensual poetry, he may ponder on the following:

a. Use of a Title

Putting a title to his poetry will greatly help the reader to comprehend what is the point of his art as a whole.

b. Tighten and Sharpen

Tightening is the process of removing unnecessary words while sharpening is replacing weak words or phrases with power nouns and verbs.

I have listed the words that the poet may consider for revision:

See a sea
It submits to the breath above it.
Dance with its brutal blows
Hides in it Orrinocco flows
He sees a foreign country
Deliver me to the island of origins
A walk in this dusty shore

c. Poem must stand on its own without referring on so many known literary figures.

The poem is very unique in its attempt to let Apollo and Narcissus interact and live in one literary work. As well as on its deep appreciation on mythological characters like the mermaids. But the poem may show more of its uniqueness and may stand on its own if the poet may consider to lessen use of these mythological characters and sparingly mention the places and events that leads the readers to the great myths of the Greeks.

c. The poem must be literally true before they can be figuratively true.

These are the lines that I think the poet may try to explore the literal level first so that he may go beyond and achieve the figurative way of saying it:

See a sea
A blue portrait
Whispering a mighty roar

And then he saw -not the
bare body beneath - but
His own selfish stare

d. Use of Onamatopeia

The poet may read and reread " The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe. Once the poet read this poem he may also match the sounds to the sea and to the situations described in each verse of his poem, the same way Edgar Allan Poe matched the sounds of the bells to the scenes he presented in his poetry.